Your rage infects me, and I feel your fear
Your disgusting fear of not having control
And as your hand comes down, I cannot move
Frozen by the feeling that invades me
I cannot stand when you scream, it hurts me
You power is forced, and I hardly feel it
At first, when you hit me, when your fist
Slams in to my face, knocking me back
The pain is beautiful, and it distracts me
Filling me with the abstract terror that
You will try to kill me too, your hands
Hold that power, but you’re just
Too stupid to know it.

The tears come, tears of anger, anger to you
Anger at myself for not being able to strike back
Anger at my weakness, to slow you these tears
When I have pretender so hard to be incapable of them
Strong little girl, reduced to her only true face
A crumpled face of tears and pain
Weakness, it violates me, ripping through memories
Showing me my faults and my stupidity
My cowardice at being unable to tell you
That I am a liar, my mask is cracked, my smile false
I am only a liar, I am not untouched
The scares I hold, in my head and on my body
Scars that defile me.

Don’t look at me, when I cry
Don’t laugh down at me as I have done
Scornful of their tears, of their weakness
Remembering guiltily times when I have broken
Hiding in my room, unable to even sob
Staring off into the mirror, watching my eyes
My broken, dull, lifeless eyes
Eyes that have been pitiless in their reverie
Eyes that have taunted because they know
There is nothing more anyone can do to sham me
In my mind, I am nothing, I am no one
I have nothing good to give anyone
Except lines of poetry, speaking in riddles
Because in my weakness, I cannot even say it

My cowardice is humiliating, it has been my fall
Cowardice to scream when I most needed to
If I could go back, I know I could change it
I know things could be different
My one, my only regret of life
When I have said so many times that there is no use
My past is cemented into stone, a jumble of memories
Some I can’t recall no matter how hard I try
Of a little girl who thought she was immortal
And tasted her mortality as the sting of copper
On her pretty, bruised little lips
Helpless to do anything as the hand came down
And the sting turned to a dull void of pain
Rage destroys me

 
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