I raised the dagger in my hand,
Knowing that this was my last stand.
I glanced at the note upon my desk,
My expression a stoic mask.
I could see my own words of “Good-bye,”
My last written lines stating why I had to die.
It was useless; I could live like this no more,
Not that I had ever liked my life before.

As I raised the dagger higher still,
I felt as though I would be ill.
After all, this was the last time I would breathe.
That I would stand here in the breeze,
But, all my pains would be gone as well,
I would end up in Heaven, possibly Hell.
I would no longer suffer the ironies of life.
The last thing I’d remember would be this freaking knife.

I watched the sun glint off the blade,
Casting light into the shade.
I moved my lips in silent prayer,
As I felt the wind blow about my hair.
Is this what it’s like to die?
I wondered.
I didn’t utter a cry,
As I plunged the knife deep into my heart.

As I saw the blood start to fall away,
I slowly began to sway.
I collapsed to the floor in unbearable pain,
Realizing now that what I’ve just done is insane.

I try to scream, but feel my strength fade.
I realize the mistake that I have made.
I’m sorry, mom, I didn’t mean to give up.
I should never have gone to that club.
Why couldn’t I have found another way?
Now for my stupidity, people will pay.

I’m dying now, I’m getting weaker.
I’m just so sorry I didn’t think quicker,
I wish you were here, mom, I will so alone.
All is quiet now, I can hear myself moan.
My mind is fading; I can see my own blood,
The pain is gone now, death is so odd.

I’ll just say ‘I’m sorry,’ I don’t have much time,
I’ll tell you the truth, mom, what I did was no crime.
I did something stupid, mom, and I feel so bad.
It was such a surprise when he told me I had.
I was shocked, I was stunned, mom, I wished I could die.
I just felt so dirty, mom, and, yet I’m still alive.
I’m dying, I know, but I can’t feel the pain,
I just try to focus, mom, to keep myself sane.
I’m sorry, mom, I didn’t mean to drink.
I didn’t mean to be stupid; I didn’t mean not to think.
In my rage, and my desperate attempt to fight,
I’ve realized I’ve taken more than one life tonight.
I hope you’ll forgive me, mom, so that I can too,
Just know that I loved you, mom, and always will, too.

 
Copyright © waterflied, All Rights Reserved