Standing above the patient in intensive care, my view was limited. I saw the
doc pull away the cart with the defibulator. I heard the doc say,
"There's no hope, we are just prolonging the pain, should we end
her pain?" Everyone nodded their head, I agreed aloud. I thought to
myself "isn't that what I'd want?" Then the doctor
kneeled on the bed and raised this plastic black spear. Abover her head,
both hands clutched to the spear so that the white of her knuckles were
straining and popping out. She then slowly began to shove it into the
girl's chest on the spot she rested her hand when she said the pledge
for her country. I felt it go in. As if I couldn't even feel the pain
of it sinking in my chest but i knew it would end my life. I knew I
didn't have the strength to make her stop. I could feel the spear was
now a inch from my heart, and i wanted to feel it. I wanted to know what
came next. I was fearful for that last second, I knew it would be over soon.
She then quickly pushed it through my heart. As I drifted into blackness i
could hear the very last thump of my heart echoing in my chest. My world
went black, like turning off a monitor... permenently . Sitting up quickly
to jump myself from the dream. I felt the relief of knowing it didn't
actually happen. I felt at peace, yet traumatized. Hyperventalating and
crying I fall to my knees and bury my hands in my shaking hands.
"It's over, its just a dream" i repeatidly whispered to
myself into comfort to keep going with the day. Once a one time thing, now a
daily fear screaming through my veins on this morning.
 
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