The thought of you keeps me up at night. I bit my lip; for the truth I have
spoken could cause so much harm. But the thought of true happiness linger my
insight. I'm sorry, my feelings I can no longer hide. Not quite sure of
my emotions. Truly don't know if it's infatuation, being inchanted
by cheap passion and affection. Those feelings can't truely arise until
both sides admit. I've been left one sided, don't know the
expression on your face. Empathy engraved in my hesitate mind. Can't
believe I'm writting this to you. But these words if were spoken, would
be broken and i'd be choked. You maybe moved even melted by what I have
revealed to confess. Fearing your rejection, unthinkable reject. Grief
overwhelmes my tears, for you cannot be here nor I there. Wishful thinking
Fuck as if you feel the same. And all this as if you want to hear. You are
reading this arn't you- Is your heart beating fast? Or has it just
stopped your jaw now dropped. I keep writting knowing I have so much more
to say. Though the other letter I did not send, I will send you this. My
motivation is you, the one I adore/ admire. So I must send you this- or i
fear you will never know. I too watch the tv realizing your for me, when
you're thinking of me am I everything but beautiful? I know you can do
much better. I've lied and cheated- and though I've learned from
that. I'm still selfish, neurotic, depressed and oh fat. Complaining
constantly- yep, not happy yet. I'd probably bring you down with me.
That i'd regret. I just talked to you on the phone I once thought you
felt the same but now i'm not so sure. But i will send you this- or
you'll never know- But at least this you can ignore. I am not
ashamed, but this is akward and difficult- i hope i didn't make you
upset...

For those who care i did send this to may friend, he doesn't think
he feels the same, and now it's just a waiting game... i hate these
fucken games!!!
 
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